you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
