nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
