So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
