After last night, I could never be a politician.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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