Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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