I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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