R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
