Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
No more Irish car bombs ever.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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