i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
