i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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