so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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