id be glad to
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
