I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
