At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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