I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
