Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
third nipple confirmed
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
