One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
