I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
