why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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