They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
