Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
this must be what syphilis tastes like
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
