8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
