Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
