the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
