Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
