His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
