Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
