i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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