I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
