I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
This is the prime rib incident all over again
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
