I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
