whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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