he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
