i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
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And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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