yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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