just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I need to align my fucking chakras
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
