More tranny stories later!
My room smells like vodka and shame
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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