I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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