Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
