Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
