i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
