I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
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