Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
