Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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