I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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