Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.