even my farts smell like vagina
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
