Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10