Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU