Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.