so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
