my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
