I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i dont even know how to be here
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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