I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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