this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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