He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
