Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
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I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
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I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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