By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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