I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
