I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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