so explain again why im purple
no
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
