I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
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