if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
