fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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