New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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