I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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