we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
