JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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