Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
