Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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