she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
