She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
