We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
