WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Be still, my beating vagina.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
