The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
