i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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