This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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