So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
