My Higher Power is John Stamos
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
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We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
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Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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